December 24th, 2008

grim squeaker 2

(no subject)

Spending Christmas Eve home alone.

That sounds really sad, but I don't mind. I spend most of my days home alone, so I'm pretty used to it.

I actually made a new friend this year, one I didn't even meet in group therapy. All the other people I know are friends from high school that I hardly ever hear from anymore, or people from the aforementioned group therapy in 2006 and 2007, and that's just two people I see regularly. So now I have three friends. Yay?

I don't really know what I'm doing wrong, here. I really try to appear friendly and outgoing, but it's kind of hard when you're a social phobic and you have to struggle to say anything at all.

Also, those three friends have lives, and they're usually far too busy to hang out with me, and I can't go to a bar on my own. I've done it before and I just end up in a dark corner feeling incredibly awkward. And after a while I have to flee the scene to avoid getting a panic attack and I usually knock over a couple of drinks on my way out, so everybody just ends up thinking I'm a bitch. Which they usually already do, since if you're really quiet, people think you're too stuck-up to speak to them.

My life: pretty pointless.