the best of us can find happiness in misery (utterbasketcase) wrote,
the best of us can find happiness in misery

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Why, why, WHY do I always attract the HUGE, GINORMOUS spiders? Can they smell you're afraid of them? (Can spiders even smell?)

This -thing- was about the size of my hand. I don't even want to think about how long it's been around here. *Shivers*

So here I am, minding my own business, reading random things on TEH INTARWEBS, when I catch some movement out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was a fly or something, 'cause Lord knows, we have enough of those over here, so I turn around to get a better look, and there's this GIGANTIC thing skittering across the floor, coming towards me at, like, 50 km/h!

I think they heard me screaming all the way over to Germany. I sure startled the heck out of that spider. It stopped and just sat there staring at me with its scary little spider-eyes. I'm sure it was planning to jump on me or something. (Yes, spiders jump! They only seem to do it when I'm the only one around, though.)

Then I realised I didn't have my spider-spray. I'd used it to kill one of the hideous things in the bathroom, and it was still there. Of course, this monster was sitting in between me and the door.

So after standing on my chair, screaming my lungs out and contemplating killing it by infecting it with my Cold From Hell for about half an hour, I realised I would have to step over the spider and hope it would still be there when I came back from the bathroom. (I wasn't wearing shoes, so I couldn't squish it. Which I wouldn't have done anyway, because I'm afraid the spiders will somehow avoid my foot and crawl up my leg.)

It's a good thing I'm a good jumper. I think I may have broken the world record.

It was still just sitting there when I got back with my handy can of spider-spray. I'm sure it was trying to remember what kind of evil things it was planning to do before I distorted its brainwaves with my squealing.

Of course, it ran away when I started spraying it, heading straight for my bed. Evil, evil thing. Wanting to hide under there to jump onto my face in the middle of the night. I'm onto you, spider!

I did manage to full-on hit it with the spray before it succeeded in its evil mission. Feel the wrath of the Basket Case! *Ahem*

And now I feel bad about killing it. *Sigh* Stupid conscience.

Basket Case

(Icon from backseaticons)
Tags: absurd, rant

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